Tips On Growing Your Relationship
LESSON: Make time for each other
Husband and wife bonding is simply taking time to reconnect with your spouse, without the distractions of work and even kids.
Aside from date night and special occasions, like birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day, when and how can you carve out time for each other without this being a major, and therefore expensive, production? Here are some suggestions:
Meet up during the day for coffee
Exercise (just make sure your treadmill paces are in sync)
Walk the dog or just walk with each other
Do the groceries
Cook a special meal
Buy a concert DVD of your favorite artists, dim the lights and snuggle in front of the TV
Check into a boutique hotel and pretend you’re on your honeymoon
Have a home massage
What About You?
What are some things you and your husband do to carve out “husband-and-wife time”? When you are intentional in spending time with each other, how does this make you feel?
LESSON: GIVE EACH OTHER RESPECT
PLEASE DO NOT DIVULGE all your problems or diss your spouse to your friends. It’s understandable that you want to be open and honest—they’re your friends after all—but spilling all the beans may diminish their respect for the person you love and chose to marry.
I may sound like a cynic here but I have to say that there is no such thing as a “perfect marriage” or a “marriage made in heaven.” Why? Because both husband and wife are imperfect human beings. While we are created in the image and likeness of our Perfect God, we are also born with a sinful nature, so pride, anger, jealousy, and all the other things that can put a strain on a relationship get in “the way of having an “ideal” marriage.
What About You?
Have you been honoring your husband in front of others?
LESSON: LAUGH AT EACH OTHER’S JOKES EVEN IF YOU’VE HEARD THEM COUNTLESS TIMES BEFORE
“LIFE IS HARD ENOUGH as it is to take it so seriously. Through all the ups and downs in our marriage, our faith in our God has kept us going; that, and a whole lot of humor. It has made our marriage journey more pleasant and interesting. I’m glad I married someone who can see the humor in even the most ordinary.
Laughing over a corny joke is better than crying over a problem, right? It lightens the mood, keeps you both feeling positive, and keeps you healthy. There are many benefits to laughing, according to some studies. Laughing, just like hugging, impacts our health. It boosts our immune system, reduces the risk of heart disease, and decreases stress. It can assist as a mild anti-depressant and reduces blood pressure. It is a natural painkiller and helps keep diabetes under control. It can make you look younger too! And that’s no laughing matter!”
What About You?
Do you laugh together? What are some things that you enjoy as a couple that make you laugh?
LESSON: COME UP WITH SPECIAL SIGNALS OR CODES THAT ONLY THE TWO OF YOU KNOW.
Marriage is all about communication. That is why there are so many books and seminars on body language. Knowing how to understand the meaning of gestures, stances, and facial expressions is important, but that is not what this lesson is about. It is about you and your spouse coming up with your own signals or cues.
Like family traditions, these special cues and signals set you apart from other couples. They become a “we” thing, bonding you together even more, and these invisible yet strong cords connect you.
What About You?
If you don’t have any secret signals yet, can you come up with some?
LESSON: YOUR MARRIAGE LICENSE IS NOT YOUR LICENSE TO BE RUDE OR IMPOLITE.
REMEMBER THE GOOD ol’ days when you and your then-boyfriend-now-husband were just starting out in your relationship? He opened doors for you and carried your bags. You said, “thank you” and wrote him little love notes to show appreciation. You didn’t hear him belch out loud without him saying, “excuse me” and looking embarrassed. You, in turn, tried your very best to fart as inconspicuously as possible. You were both on your best behavior, and then slowly but inevitably, it happens. The little courtesies slowly fade to the background in married life.
It’s a good thing that you are comfortable with each other and you feel you can be yourself. To build a stronger family life, however, it is still better to maintain proper etiquette…etiquette IS important because it is simply behavior that is considerate of another person. Etiquette is a way to show respect to those around you; inversely, others show you respect by following the most basic codes of etiquette. Remember, the foundation of any marriage is mutual love and respect.
Expectedly, Em and I have become quite comfortable with each other over the years, just like most married-forever couples. This has resulted in, well, some degree of “license.” Despite this, we still say, “sorry” and “excuse me.” We greet each other in the morning and say, “good night” before sleeping. He still opens doors for me, and if he cannot do this with the car door, at least he waits for me to get in the car before speeding off. Seriously, the niceties of life are still nice to have. The small polite actions that mommy taught you, like saying, “thank you,” “please,” and “you’re welcome,” are all still needed to give civility to your relationship. If we’re nice to the people around us, why not be nicest to the people we love the most?
What About You?
Do you still treat each other as politely and as graciously as you did before you got married? If not, is there anything you can do to treat each other more politely?
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These are excerpts from Play Nice and Fight Fair by Lollette Oliva-Alipe. This book is available at OMF Lit Bookshop, shop.omflit.com, Shopee, Lazada, and other places where books are sold for P375. It’s also available as an ebook on Amazon and Google Play Books.
This is the question that Lolétte grappled with when she married Em.
In this book, she shares 35 lessons learned through the course of first being married for seven years, then being separated for five years, and the "re-marrying" and staying married, all to the same man.
Read her practical and inspiring stories (some of them, funny) on—
Loving your husband unconditionally
Growing your relationship
Handling conflicts
Doing the small things that matter
Being a godly wife
Building harmony in your family
Facing the years ahead
You will laugh. You might cry. And you will surely end up wanting to play nice and fight fair—while loving your husband—all the time!