The Biggest Breakthrough
The biggest breakthrough I gained from the retreat was knowing that I am not alone. I may be the only present parent Gummy has, pero hindi ako nag-iisa in raising her. I have God as both Our Father Provider and my Faithful Partner. Knowing I have Someone with me always gives me the courage and confidence to face and overcome any heartbreak. Anu-ano ba ang heartbreaks ng solo parents? Napakarami. To name a few, we struggle with:
Making ends meet
Time management
Me - paano naman ako?
Asking for help
Social life
Depression
Decision-making
Having a father figure as role model
Anger and unforgiveness
Guilt
Envy and comparison
Loneliness
Shame
Pero alam mo, as I look back now, it was through those heartbreaking moments that God broke through my life so I can be closer to Him and experience Him more personally. The more needs I brought to Him, the more I trusted Him to be the answer to those needs, the more He became real in my life in many ways.
Without these heartbreaks, I would not have learned that God is my:
Provider, if not for those times na hindi pa dumarating ang pambayad ng dues sa condo, o ang tuition na hindi pa buo, o ang pang-amortization ng bahay at tawag na nang tawag ang collection department ng bangko.
Comfort, kung hindi ko naranasan na maiyak na lang sa pagod at puyat.
Partner, dahil wala naman akong ibang kinokonsulta sa pagdedesisyon kundi ang Diyos through prayer and His Word. Pati na rin sa guidance sa pagdidisiplina, sa Kanya rin galing. Spare the rod, spoil the child, sabi ng Bible!
Companion and Friend, na kahit mag-isa ako kakain ako sa labas sa gitna ng errands ko, hindi ko kailangan ng isa pang taong ka-holding hands para sumaya.
Helper, during those first four years na walang yaya si Gummy at wala rin akong driver na taga-deliver ng cookies sa Makati nung sa Novaliches pa ang kusina ko. But God gave me the supernatural strength to manage!
Healer, kung hindi ako nagkasakit because of my addiction sa work at miraculously nawala ang mga bukol ko because of the spiritual healing He did to my heart.
Deliverer, Redeemer, at Restorer, kung hindi Niya ako pinatawad at ni-rescue mula sa aking sins of worry, pride, and idolatry at binigyan ng “new mercies” upang maayos ang nasirang relationships, including how I treat and see myself.
Satisfaction, kung hindi ako naging mag-isa lang sa buhay at Siya lang at Presensiya lang talaga Niya ang naging daan upang makatawid sa pang-araw-araw na takbo ng buhay.
Lover of my soul, if not through His Words of comfort that brought security that I am loved—that nothing can separate me from His Love—neither sin nor death! There is nothing I can do that will make Him unlove me. Sarap malaman di ba?
Refuge and Strength, kung hindi sa mga panahon na puyat at duling na ako sa pagod from taping at pag-uwi kailangan ko pang mag-bake ng orders for the following day. Kahit pa tatlong oras lang ang itinutulog ko at sa dining bench na ako natutulog, gumigising akong fully charged!
Source, Sustainer, and Giver of good gifts, nang ibigay Niya sa amin ang bahay namin ngayon at ang C Ki+chenry na walang utang nang itayo and tumatakbo up to this day. Truly we are not self-sustaining but God-sustained.
Confidence, na walang shame o kahihiyan sa pagiging single mom, kahit pa nabuntis ako ng hindi ko boyfriend dahil bahagi iyon ng kuwento ng Kanyang pagbabago ng aking buhay.
Hope and Grace, kung hindi sa mga pagkakamaling napatawad Niya at nakapagsimula akong muli.
This is an excerpt from Hearbreaks and Breakthroughs by Bettinna Carlos. It is available at National Book Store, OMF Lit Bookshop, Passages, and other leading bookstores for P250.00. The book can also be ordered online through shop.omflit.com. It’s also available as an ebook on Amazon and Google Play.
