Femininity

Don’t we enjoy dressing up for a date? Taking a long shower with toiletries used for special occasions, fixing our hair and makeup, trying on clothes that make us look our best. And few things can make us enjoy our womanliness more than that first arrested stare from our man, the one we intend to give our heart to.

This is one of the things many of us miss about being in a serious relationship — being under the gaze of the one who delights in our femininity.

I feel more androgynous than feminine these days, though. Do you feel the same? We rush through the urgency of daily demands, running on autopilot, doing what life requires. For many of us, ­femininity is an afterthought. But once in a while, when we see other women enjoying gentlemanly and loving attention from their husbands, we can’t help but watch them. These scenes reassure us that this sort of beautiful inter-action between men and women still exists.

Femininity is far deeper than pretty dresses and graceful behavior — femininity has to do with who you are. God made you a woman, and He wants you to enjoy being one. But how? How can we live out our femininity when there is no one there to affirm it?

Even for tear-your-hair-out questions such as this, the Bible has answers.

Ephesians 5:25–3022 talks about how husbands ought to love their wives, but let’s look at the context of this love — the love a wife receives must be like the love Christ gave the Church. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

When you’ve chosen to believe in Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you are claiming the gift He gave at the Cross — the gift of His love. Before any man loved you, Jesus loved you first. He gave Himself for you first. Let this truth lift your heart — your identity is as a woman who is loved. And if you are to marry, God doesn’t lower the standard of what kind of love you deserve — He says it must be like His own. It’s just like a human father who wants a son-in-law who’ll love his daughter as much as he does.

You were bought at a high price — the blood of the Son of God. This is what your femininity, your life, is worth. Don’t think that you are less of a woman because you don’t have a man in your life.

How can you enjoy your womanliness when you’re not married? Live as one who is loved. Knowing that your worth is found in God’s love for you will determine everything — what you wear, how you take care of your health, how you present yourself to people, how you allow a man to treat you. This isn’t a femininity that is arrogant, that feels superior, but is one which gratefully acts in accordance to the value — the blood of Jesus — that has been placed on her.

Let’s be real — we may always have that secret wish for the affirmation of a good man who loves us. The bond between a man and woman is a sacred and precious thing. But know that the fulfillment of this wish doesn’t define our worth or womanliness. The love of one human man does not define us — the love of One Man does.

Let’s live under His gaze.

This is an excerpt from Letters To A Single Woman by Karen Huang.

Let Karen Huang lead you to the Safe Place that she has found. Here, you'll find lasting joy and faith that can silence your fears. In this Safe Place, you are invited to be held and to belong.

Letters to a Single Woman will be balm to your heart. This book serves as a steady compass for mature single women because of the candid reflections and the wholesome wisdom with which Karen has written.

Single is a whole number. Easier than accepted, but nonetheless true. This book will remind you that your life carries on, most blessedly, in God!

This book is available at OMF Lit Bookshops, PCBS, and other places where books are sold.