Emotional Awareness and Healing
Dear sister, if you are having a hard time feeling and expressing your emotions, don’t be discouraged. Emotional awareness is a skill that all of us are continually learning. What matters is your recognition, which can drive you to act. You can start with simple steps. Ask yourself daily how you’re doing. Jot down a high (positive emotion) and a low (negative emotion) that you experienced throughout your day, and gauge the intensity. Pause and think about what caused you to feel the way that you did. Here’s an example:
High = peaceful, 60%. A friend messaged to ask how I was doing. She followed up on me regarding the family problem I previously shared with her. Knowing that someone is thinking about me and praying for me gave me peace.
Low = distant, 30%. I was offended by a person I love. I can still feel the pain. I see him every day, but I can’t bring myself to talk to him yet.
If you’re having a hard time identifying your feelings because you can’t seem to find the right word, go online and check out the Wheel of Emotion or any list of words and feelings to help you get acquainted with emotional vocabulary. Building your emotional vocabulary strengthens your ability to pay attention to your feelings and acknowledge them. Perhaps, you’re thinking that doing this every day takes so much work and effort. It does! This takes commitment and practice since we’re not used to getting in touch with and tracking our emotions and feelings, especially on a daily basis. Habits like this will allow you to cultivate and maintain good mental health.
You can take this exercise further by being thankful for your high while taking note of how you coped with the low. Determine if the coping strategy you used was healthy and helpful. This deepens your understanding of your emotional and mental state without dismissing the good things in your life. This will also aid you in assessing your coping styles. You’ll get the chance to stop unhealthy, ineffective, or self-sabotaging behaviors, and start developing healthier coping mechanisms. If you identify that a low is too intense, I encourage you to talk it out with a trusted friend. And you may want to look for healthy ways to externalize your emotions (we’ll talk more about this in the next chapter).
I know, dear friend, this isn’t as simple as it sounds. There will be times when we are unable to make sense of what we feel. There will be times when we just need to sit with our feelings and do nothing. That’s OK. What’s important is we’re consciously making an effort — taking baby steps — to grow and heal.
Healing is a journey — a process, rather than a destination. While we are living in our earthly body, we will always be in need of healing. We may not reach perfect healing in this lifetime, but as we learn to bring our wounds to Jesus, we can begin to experience significant healing. We can be restored from glory to glory. As we learn to open ourselves up to our Father and allow Him to tend our wounds, our intimacy with Him deepens. We learn to open up without feelings of shame, to trust without feelings of apprehension, to receive without feelings of unworthiness. We learn to just be — to cease striving, and rest in the knowledge that we are accepted for who we truly are. This, my friend, is what the path of healing looks like. It is ultimately about our love relationship with our Abba.
Healing takes time because the process isn’t linear. You can expect past issues to resurface and find their way back to you. Yes, the issues that you’ve already dealt with can still re-appear, sometimes in the most unexpected way or time. Just like that, you are triggered once again. It’s frustrating, I know! That’s because there are stages in healing. When issues re-emerge, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that your efforts have not been effective. And no, you’re not back to square one, even if it feels that way. Issues rising up again may mean that God is taking you to a deeper level of healing. The deeper the wound, the more layers need to be repaired.
Be patient, my dear, don’t lose heart! Remember the lessons you’ve been learning. Look at how far God has carried you. A slip or a fall doesn’t negate all the hard work you’ve put into your healing journey. There is no shame if your wound is still open. Continue to be accountable to your tribe. Your mentors and your trusted friends will help you stay on or get back on track.
Healing demands lifelong commitment. We learn to acknowledge what we truly are — weak and wounded. We are challenged to confront issues that we’ve been trying hard to avoid. Our endurance is tested as we deal with resurfacing problems. When we find ourselves going one step forward and two steps back, it is tempting to just throw in the towel. But you and I know that nothing worthwhile in life is easy and convenient. That includes our healing. Often, this journey is going to get harder before it gets better. To be committed is to be dedicated — to give our all in this pursuit. To remain committed to our healing is to say:
I’m staying on track even if it’s painful.
I’m staying on track even if it’s breaking my ego.
I’m staying on track even if I don’t understand.
I’m staying on track even if everyone has walked away.
I’m staying, I’m remaining because this is where Jesus is — He is here in my brokenness.
When your healing journey gets tough, remember that the Good Shepherd is with you. King David penned, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4, ESV). The Lord did not promise that He will always lead us along mountaintops. That couldn’t be! In order to travel from mountain to mountain, we must traverse through the valleys. The only way to climb the tallest peaks is to go down to the hollows. It is certain that you will go through the valleys in your healing journey, but rest assured that the Good Shepherd is walking by your side with His rod and His staff.
Many times, we mistakenly think of the rod and the staff as the same thing. But these are two different tools used by shepherds. The rod is a straight wooden stick while the staff is a longer stick with a hook or crook at the end. Both serve their own distinct purpose. Shepherds use the rod to fend off predators and protect the sheep. The rod is also used to guide and direct the sheep by prodding them along and making sure they go the right direction. When the sheep begin to wander away, the shepherd uses the staff’s crook to pull them back. The staff is used to lead the sheep back on the right path.30 This, my friend, is exactly how Jesus walks with us through the darkest moments of our lives. He protects us from the evil one. He guides and directs us along the winding way. And when we start to go astray, He never tires of leading us back.
May this be your comfort in the valleys: Jesus is holding your hand ever so tightly. You are not the one holding His hand, my friend. He is the one holding yours and He will not let you go.
This is an excerpt from Chosen: No Matter Where You've Been or What You've Done by Shaina Cua. This book is available at OMF Lit Bookshops, shop.omflit.com, Shopee, and Lazada for P375.
When being ghosted, ignored, seenzoned, or unfollowed has become the norm, we end up questioning our worth and yearning to be seen - to be chosen. But what does it mean to be truly chosen?
In Chosen, author Shaina Cua helps women reclaim their chosenness by examining the book of Esther, showing fresh perspectives on essential truths, and reflecting on the God who has chosen us.
Chosen includes relatable stories from other women, processing questions at the end of each chapter, and practical advice drawn from Shaina's own experience of bullying and healing from trauma, as well as her training in psychology and biblical studies.
About the author:
Shaina Cua graduated with a Master of Arts degree in Clinical Psychology with emphasis in Marriage & Family Therapy from Azusa Pacific University, California, USA. Her training in psychology and Biblical doctrines integrates two fields she is passionate about as she teaches psych spiritual principles. She is currently pursuing her PhD studies in Clinical Christian Counseling at the Biblical Seminary of the Philippines – Asia Graduate School of Theology. She is a mental health therapist, a resource speaker, and an educator. As a speaker and trainer, she conducts seminars here and abroad on mental health, conflict management, and other relational/familial issues. She also facilitates workshops and team-building events in schools, churches, and corporate companies.
Shaina also serves as one of the leaders in her church where she is a core member of the Leadership Training and Development team. Recently, she pioneered a Women’s Bible study group to help women grow in their knowledge and experience of God. In her free time, she de-stresses by staying at home and watching her favorite rescue and crime TV series. She is an introvert at heart. Through the years, she has learned to challenge herself to do things she thinks she can never do. She loves going on adventures and befriending the unknown. She enjoys hanging out with her closest friends, traveling, hiking, and venturing into the performing arts. One day, she dreams of having a family of her own and passing on to her children the godly legacy that her parents have started.