Our Hope in Christ (#ChooseHope 2023)
“What kind of surrendering do You still want from me? I asked. I felt confused. I wanted to exercise my faith by truly believing that He can and will make my dreams come true, but I also wanted His will to be done, not mine. So how do I believe and wait in expectation while I surrender and give up my desires in exchange for God’s? It sounded to me that believing and surrendering were two sides of the same coin.
Since day one, I have laid down all my dreams and plans to God. I have told Him all about my desires. And I’ve ended every prayer with “not my will but Yours be done.” What was I supposed to do — expect that He would give me the desires of my heart OR not expect at all and have an “if-it’s-supposed-to-happen-it-will-happen” attitude? I couldn’t seem to figure it out. Night after night passed, and my heart and soul grew restless and weary. I felt as though all my intense desires were being constrained within me, as if I was being held back and crushed from within.
One morning, I woke up feeling exhausted and spent. God, please just tell me what to do! I cried out of frustration. I had come to the end of myself. I was tired and I literally threw my hands in the air. My heart heard His still small voice: Stop trying to figure things out. You have forgotten that I am God, and you are not. I have heard all your prayers. But remember, when you call me Lord, you are giving me the right to rule over your life. You are disappointed because you’re not getting a yes-or-no answer from Me. You are tired because you’re so concerned about whether or not your dreams will come true. You are desperate to know what’s to come because you’re looking to put your confidence in what I will do. The thing is, you do not know what I will do. It’s no wonder then, that you don’t know where to put your confidence in. This is the reason why you’ve been so discouraged. Shaina, put your confidence in Me — in who I am. You know who I am. That is enough.
God’s tender yet powerful words pierced through my heart. They were so good, they hurt! Abba was right. He was inducing a far deeper surrendering. For the longest time,
I was banking on the dreams that could materialize in the future. I was putting all my hopes on those plans that could successfully unfold. I mapped out my life according to my longings and desires. Knowing that God’s ways may be different created a conflict inside me. But now, it was clear. I was deeply troubled because my hope and confidence were not in God. Hearing God’s rebuke was painful, but it calmed the storm in me.
I wrote in my journal:
I do not know what lies ahead.
I do not know what the future holds.
I do not know if my desires and dreams will ever come true.
I do not have any assurance of what will happen next.
But I’m learning to hold on to WHO MY GOD IS.
That, I can be sure of.
I can be sure of His goodness — that with my Good Shepherd, I shall lack nothing.
I can be sure of His faithfulness — that He promised to supply all my needs according to His glorious riches, His unlimited resources.
I can be sure of His love — that He has given His Own Son for me, so won’t He also graciously give me all things?
I put my confidence NOT in what He will do.
I put my confidence in what He has already done.
He died and conquered the grave.
He is who He says He is.
It is Jesus’ resurrection that keeps me trusting.
My confidence is in His character.
My confidence is in WHO MY GOD IS.
To put our hope in the Lord means that we trust that His judgment and ways are best, whether or not they line up with our desires. After this encounter with Abba, I gained a better understanding of what the Apostle Paul meant when he said we must fix our eyes not on things that are seen, but on things that are unseen (2 Corinthians 4:18).
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This is an excerpt from Chosen: No Matter Where You've Been or What You've Done by Shaina Cua. This book is available at OMF Lit Bookshops, shop.omflit.com, Shopee, and Lazada for P375.
When being ghosted, ignored, seenzoned, or unfollowed has become the norm, we end up questioning our worth and yearning to be seen - to be chosen. But what does it mean to be truly chosen?
In Chosen, author Shaina Cua helps women reclaim their chosenness by examining the book of Esther, showing fresh perspectives on essential truths, and reflecting on the God who has chosen us.
Chosen includes relatable stories from other women, processing questions at the end of each chapter, and practical advice drawn from Shaina's own experience of bullying and healing from trauma, as well as her training in psychology and biblical studies.