You Don't Stop Loving Your Spouse Even Though You May Not Like Him At Times

From BusinessInsider

"Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving,  be compassionate, be humble.” 1 PETER 3:8 (MSG)

A common notion among newlyweds is that a perfect marriage is one where you are always in agreement with each other. It was an idea, or should I say, an ideal, that I had in mind when Em and I first got married. We were supposed to be in perfect sync since we were “compatible.” As the months flew by, I found that we were more different than similar. Sure, we had the same taste in clothes and furniture. We would walk past a shop window and he’d say, “Mahal, look at that!” And even without him pointing it out, I would instinctively know which item he was referring to. We also shared the same passion for music and enjoyed watching our favorite local bands. But that’s where our similarities end. 

My husband is a man of few words unless he feels that the situation requires him to speak up. I, on the other hand, am in the habit of speaking whether or not there is a need. Em’s family is not as expressive of their feelings while mine is. How we were raised, where we were raised, and our life experiences, have made us two unique individuals compelled by love and required by law to live harmoniously in marriage. Unsurprisingly, sparks flew when we differed in opinion over some issues. 

Quarrels and arguments are a reality in any marriage. But just because we disagree about something doesn’t mean we don’t love each other anymore. Love is not a faucet we can turn on and off at will. Neither is it a way to keep our spouse emotionally hostage. 

I remember when Monchi, our second child, was still in preschool. One day, she came home crying because one of her closest friends told her, in the cruel but cute way only kindergarten kids can, “I won’t friend you anymore!” When we withhold our love from our spouse because we are offended or annoyed, it’s just like that but this time, it’s not cute. 

Many wedding ceremonies highlight these Scripture verses: 

Love never gives up. 

Love cares more for others than for self. 

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. 

Love doesn’t strut, 

Doesn’t have a swelled head, 

Doesn’t force itself on others, 

Isn’t always “me first,” 

Doesn’t fly off the handle, 

Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, 

Doesn’t revel when others grovel, 

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, 

Puts up with anything, 

Trusts God always, 

Always looks for the best, 

Never looks back, 

But keeps going to the end. 

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over someday; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit.”

I like where it says that love “doesn’t revel when others grovel.” It doesn’t take pleasure in seeing one’s beloved suffer or be uncomfortable. Giving your spouse the cold shoulder until he or she says sorry is a crime against your love. Remember the traditional marriage vow? “For better or worse,” couples would declare with stars in their eyes. But some people, after getting just a few dust particles in their eyes, can only focus on the worse. 

“Love never dies,” part of the verse says. Beautiful! Is it romantic? Definitely! Is it reality? It can be when we have the source of genuine love, Jesus, in our marriage. 

After all these years, Em and I still get into arguments and annoy each other. Sometimes I know he’d like to wring my neck when I am stubborn. And when he gets too demanding, I want to fight him biblically—meaning, I want to hit him with a Bible! But then we catch ourselves and try to remember that, no matter what, for better or for worse, we do love each other even if we don’t LIKE the other at that moment. So even if I’m fuming, I still make his coffee in the morning . . . and stop myself from putting salt rather than sugar. 

What About You?

In what ways are you different from your husband? Are there differences that cause friction between the two of you? What can you both do to minimize the strain these differences cause?

Prayer

Heavenly Father, I acknowledge that my spouse and I are different in many ways, and in Your wisdom You created us this way. When tension rears its ugly head because of these differences, please help me to be agreeable and sympathetic, to be more loving even during unlovable moments, and to always be gentle. 

This is an excerpt from Play Nice and Fight Fair by Lollétte Oliva-Alipe, now available at OMF Lit Bookshops and shop.omflit.com for P375.